TV Makes My IQ Hurt

Lately I've noticed that a lot of toothpaste commercials show a person brushing their teeth with their product, then breathing in someone's face to prove how fresh their breath is, and the other person smiles or giggles. Is this really a marketing campaign that speaks to a majority of people? I just can't imagine someone sitting at home, thinking "I want to randomly exhale directly into someone's nose and mouth, but my mouth smells like the inside of a shoe". I don't care if your breath smells like roses and candy and silk ribbon shoots out of your throat when you breathe out, if you breathe right into my face, I'm going to think you're weird and I'll probably delete your phone number on my cell phone.

I hate to bring it up, but Paris Hilton is looking for a new bff, and I saw an ad where she said "I just want to find someone that I know truly wants to be my friend." Nobody wants to be your friend, you're a waste of carbon in every way. You think you're great because you're famous, you're famous because you're rich, and you're rich because of inheritance. That's like me thinking I'm manly looking because my dad has a beard, it doesn't make any fucking sense. Not to mention the fact that she's trying to find someone who's "truly" her friend by hosting a nationally televised reality tv show. She makes me sad.


Oh yeah, and she's a stupid pirate hooker. I already know what you're thinking, and no, that picture's not real, I edited it.

I also find it absolutely baffling that the cavemen from the GEICO commercials got their own show. I find it absolutely hilarious that it got cancelled after a month. I mean, when the very first one came out, I chuckled, but you can't keep the same tired theme going for this long. The first GEICO caveman commercial aired in 2004. 5 YEARS they've been making these horrible commercials. They made around 17 commercials with the cavemen, most of them about the exact same thing. It pisses me off even more because GEICO has done some classic commercials, and yet the one they decide to pump out replicas of for an endless amount of time is their shittiest one to date. I think GEICO should hire me to do their commercials, and then the next one will just be me punching a bunch of cavemen and then setting their hairy bodies on fire.

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