Old People Are Slow

First thing's first, I'm tired of television shows these days saying "Don't touch that dial!" when they go to commercial. Oh shit, random television show, I forgot to tell you; IT'S NOT 1940 ANYMORE. If your viewer still has a dial on their television, you don't have to worry about them touching that dial. By the time they tie up their plaid bathrobe, shuffle halfway to the tv, take a nap, and shuffle the other foot and a half, not only will the commercials already be over, you'll probably have finished out the season.

I hope I don't live long enough to warrant a little wheelchair on my license plate, but if I do, it is going to be insane. Simply based on the sort of ridiculous, slow and steady wins the race driving I've seen old people utilizing for the past 5 years, I can honestly tell you I will be peeling out at every opportunity. I will be driving a minimum 15 mph over the speed limit, and every turn I need to take will be taken with the assistance of a handbrake, and that includes right turns on red and stop signs. Honestly I don't understand the thought process behind it, they're gonna die any second, might as well end it with an explosion or some kind of Dukes of Hazzard jump over a river or some shit.

I don't know if you have ever experienced the unbearable hell of dealing with an anti-virus program from the company McAfee, but I have, and I can tell you it is horrifying. The thing about the McAfee programs is that they generally come with the purchase of a new PC, and there's fucking nothing you can do to stop the onslaught. Features of McAfee anti-virus programs include:

- Politely asking you to register, and pay, for the product already on your computer
- Upon refusal, popping up and fucking your shit up every 10 to 15 seconds
- Basically molests your computer, and then holds it hostage
- Forces you to get your technology savvy older brother to uninstall the shit
- If registered, doesn't do dick against viruses except restrict your access to clean websites


I've seen this kind of thing before, but this asshole John McAfee should know better. He literally invented virus scanning technology. This means at one point, he actually gave a shit about getting rid of viruses, and knew what they were. Somehow, he got from preventing viruses to allowing them to come pre-packaged with new PC's around the country. That's basically what his programs are, they eat away at your disk space, productivity, and I'm pretty sure my soul feels smaller. The guy worked at NASA for christ's sake. I think he got a little too "chill" because he practices yoga. We're not all as relaxed as you, you douchebag, quit laying around in the Shavasana posture and make some worthwhile shit.

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