Cell Phones Are For Dicks
Today I worked two jobs, at the car dealership detailing cars and at the coffee shop making drinks. I hadn't detailed a car in about two years, and I realized that even now, I am as good at detailing cars as I ever was, and when I say that, I mean shitty.
I worked the drivethrough at Biggby's, and a man came through while talking on his cell phone. Normally I have no problem with this, because I know how hard it is to go five minutes without talking to your second cousin about how his herpes is clearing up, but this guy was rude as fuck. After taking his money, giving him a coupon, and stamping his frequency card without him even making eye contact with me, I handed him his drink. It was at that moment that I witnessed the least effort I have ever seen from a human being thanking another human being. With the hand holding the phone, without looking at me, he raised his pinky. That was his "thank you". I told him I'd get him a free drink, filled a cup with hot water, and threw it as hard as I could through his car window, gave him the finger on both hands, called him a bitch and shut the drivethrough window.
Today's lesson is this; don't be a dick or you'll probably end up with disfiguring burns on your face, arms, and junk.
Quick review of Metallica's new album, Death Magnetic. This is the best Metallica album to come out in 11 years, which really isn't saying much because the only album they released between 1997's ReLoad and this one was the universally vomited on St. Anger. I seem to be one of the few Metallica fans that is willing to overlook how bad that record was, because as you may or may not realize, all musicians occasionally make shitty music. Ever read a comic from a great comic artist that wasn't particularly funny? That doesn't mean he'll never write another funny comic again, that means you didn't like it, so fuckin read an old funny one until tomorrow's paper. Anyway, this album has a few very memorable songs, and is mostly in the style of their older albums from the 80's. If you know anything about them, combine the sound of And Justice for All and Reload and you have the basic idea of what it feels like to listen to this album. Very technical, but riddled with fresh hooks that remind of Fixxxer and Where the Wild Things Are. Plus, Kirk plays guitar solos again! And they thrash pretty hard despite the fact that these guys are pushing into their late 40's. Anyway, it's worth a listen, if you're into semi-heavy metal, grab it up, or download it illegally, they probably don't care.
My friend Matt recently brought to my attention the term "facebook stalking", which he explained isn't really possible, as you upload your own information and add people to your friends list, knowing full well they can view what you post. However, I am of a slightly different mindset. If you occasionally write on your friend's walls, or view their most recent note, it's not stalking in the least. If you save all of their profile pictures to your hard drive and chronically masturbate to them, you're probably a creeper. I find in this case that the viewer's actions separate "keeping in touch" from "keeping in touch with your own genitals".
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