Oops, I Kicked Your Face Off

Today I was working at Biggby's, minding my own business, when a solid contestant for "Most Annoying Customer of the Day" walked in. She ordered four drinks, which came to about $15.40. She says "You're going to hate me for this" and pulls out a huge bag of change. At this point my brain begins desperately trying to come up with reasons not to destroy her. Maybe the bag is full of dollar coins. Maybe the bag is filled with half dollar coins. Shit, I'd even be okay with quarters. Unfortunately, this was not the case. This horrible excuse for a human being starts paying me in dimes. I don't know how much of a mathemagician you are, but $15.40 in dimes is 154 dimes. She got to about 3 dollars or so counting dimes, and then my vision started blurring and I administered a double flying back dragon kick to her head. She decided against finishing payment, and as she walked away she looked like this.


I don't feel even remotely bad about exploding her head with both of my feet, for several reasons. First of all, if you have to start your sentence to an employee of a business with "You're going to hate me for this", DON'T FUCKING DO WHATEVER YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO. Chances are whatever person you're ordering from is making minimum wage, and therefore they are not getting paid enough to deal with bullshitty bullshit from stupid customers. Secondly, if you are paying for expensive coffee drinks in dimes, you are probably way too poor to be buying expensive coffee drinks. If you want to pay with shit in dimes, go park in some metered parking spaces, or go to Save a Lot and buy some food, they don't give a shit, they don't even give you bags for your groceries. And finally, if you didn't know this already, our store is directly across from a bank. I don't mean across the street, or the alley. I mean it's fucking in the same building. She was literally 50 feet away from a place where she could give them a pile of change and they would magically make it into paper money for her, but this apparently was too much effort, despite the fact that while she was waiting for her drinks to be prepared, she could have done this three or four times. I guess the moral of the story is, if you are an inconsiderate waste of air, I will remove your brains from your neck with one or more of my appendages.

Got a comment about this entry?